Nicolas Cage, Movie Stars and Antics

They're really not antics when film stars get drunk and batter their spouses, or hit vehicles and yell at policemen. All three criminal acts, actually.

Does it say something about privilege?  Does it tell us that thinking that because the world loves you (and as an actor, who doesn't love Mr. Cage) that you can do whatever you want? Do what feels good? For raging feels better, everyone knows, than holding it in and acting like a civilized human being.

That's what we do when we hold it in.  We act.  Because most of us, when we're upset, angry afraid, perhaps owe the IRS a tidy sum of money, are anything but happy about it.

The Internet tabloids tell us that Mr. Cage is down on his luck, owes the IRS money. A morning news team tags that number at 12 million, so the timing is spot on. 

An excuse to hurt your spouse and have a tantrum in public? Or anywhere else?  His wife isn't pressing charges, and he's already out on bond, but the star has a history of angry outbursts.

This time he told police, "Why don't you just arrest me?"  And they did.

Life's not a movie.  But hey, the cameras are still running.

Not the role model, exactly, some of us have in mind when we think, movie star.

No Means No at Yale

Caveat, it's not a pretty post, and the language might upset some people.

At the University of New Hampshire Vice President Biden announced new federal guidelines about campus sexual assault and the mandate of universities. He waxed on poetically:

"No means no, if you're drunk or you're sober. No means no if you're in bed, in a dorm or on the street. No means no even if you said yes at first and you changed your mind.No means no."

Those of us in sexual assault/harassment prevention really prefer, Yes Means Yes, to No Means No, although obviously, a woman-- a man-- always has the right to change his or her mind.

But Yes Means Yes emphasizes that legal sexual relationships are not forced or coerced-- consent is necessary and it has to be informed.  Informed consent is sober, not impaired by substances, is dependent upon adult status (17 or 18, depending upon the state) and mental competency.

Last year, Yale students pledging Delta Kappa Epsilon marched around campus chanting, "No means yes, yes means anal. No means yes, yes mean anal." 

Were they coerced to chant this? Was this a hazing exercise? And if it was, whatever happened to challenging the bystander effect?  This at Yale!

Sixteen current and former Yale students filed a complaint with the US Department of Education's Office for Civil Rights, describing a sexually hostile environment on campus. Students complained that the university has failed to respond appropriately to reports of sexual violence. Meaning, probably, that the response didn't happen, or Yale may not have notified the Department of Justice of allegations of rape or harassment.  These are serious claims.

A school is in violation of Title IX of the Civil Rights Act when women, one of the protected classes, are discriminated against in educational institutions. It is the responsibility of federally funded schools (most schools are) to ensure that there is no hostile environment on campus. A hostile environment enables harassment and sexual assault, isn't adverse or militant about it.

Typically victims of rape on campus leave school.  Whereas perpetrators, usually classmates, stay on to graduate.  Sometimes the perpetrator is an instructor.  Sometimes the victim is an instructor.  But most are students.

One in five college women are victims of rape or attempted rape.  We think one in ten men.  Alcohol and drugs are generally associated with acquaintance rape.  Educational efforts, once aimed at the victim, now engage college men-- fraternity men especially, and athletes.  Demystifying myths, fostering empathy for victims, these interventions are thought to reduce sexual assault, if anything will.

And at the core, always, is changing a culture that demeans, belittles, harasses, harms, makes fun, exploits, coerces, steals.

Maybe informed consent should be in writing.  Pass out the forms at the student union.

And those kids at Yale?  Maybe they shouldn't go to Yale anymore.  Now that would make a statement.

Linda Freedman, PhD, LCSW, LMFT