Tyler Clementi killed himself. But we could say, if we were honest, that two other people, college kids, pushed him off the bridge. File this one under diversity education/cyber-bullying/empathy training/and what a waste.
The first time a patient told me about a college roommate who videotaped someone in a residence hall doing something he/she wouldn't have wanted publicized, I was shocked. And it isn't easy to shock a therapist.
The second time, I raised an eyebrow. Similar circumstances, apartment.
The third time it was a high school teacher who had been exposed on the Internet, an angry student caught him swearing at the class. Not the same level of embarrassment, obviously.
But we're all vulnerable. Most of us have dreams of being caught undressed, wake up and say, It was just a dream, a fear dream. Dreams are about fears or wishes. They express our vulnerability.
But there are classes of individuals who are considered to be even more vulnerable than others. Add shame, embarrassment, exposure, humiliation and bullying to a life destined to get used to fighting prejudice, and any sexual minority person might feel life isn't worth living.
Yahoo story:
NEW BRUNSWICK, N.J. – The parents of a Rutgers University student who killed himself after his roommate allegedly used a webcam to spy on him during a tryst with another man have filed notice that they're considering suing the school.Tyler Clementi, an 18-year-old violinist, only in school a few weeks, jumped off the George Washington bridge.
Joseph and Jane Clementi, parents of Tyler Clementi, filed notice Friday preserving their right to sue. They have to wait six months after the notice to file a lawsuit over their son's death, which became a symbol in a national outcry over the bullying of young gays.
The suspects left school, are charged with invasion of privacy. There may be charges of bias intimidation.
Is the school really responsible? Probably not. And looking for a settlement won't bring back their son.
We could say that parents have to warn their children, have to prepare them, discuss these things, but the schools should, too. I'm not sure where to start, at what age exactly, but I think diversity education should begin before kids are old enough to use cameras.
Add it to the list. What a waste.
Linda Freedman, PhD
How do we prepare and warn them?
ReplyDeleteI'd like to see kids begin to learn to accept other kids as soon as early as possible, maybe even pre-school. But in many parochial schools accepting homosexuality isn't even on the agenda, let alone talking about it with little kids, and children of color are minorities. But just talking about differences, the idea of learning from our differences, that people are people and have feelings, this is so important to impart in early childhood education, and surely as the kids get older, they need to hear about it even more. It's all about empathy training, really, and should be in the proverbial mother's milk. But it isn't.
ReplyDeleteAll agreed - but I was actually asking about the other side, how parents can prepare their kids to deal with bullying. Like many fathers, I would simply tell my kids to respond to aggression with aggression, but I'm fairly certain that this is not good across-the-board advice.
ReplyDeleteI try to avoid the news to protect myself from things I cannot control but I did hear about this and reading your post I had to comment. Two things first in a christain culture the lack of love and compassion for those that don't meet the standards for normal is heartbreaking to me. This behavior is passed down. Two the one thing that can be done in defense is to instill in children a solid foundation of love and acceptance starting at home. Being raised pentecostal my mother taught us that we would stand out and be persecuted and we were. She made us understand that in our case being different was for God and that we had to be secure in ourself and our beliefs. I don't think gay kids have this because if it seems in our culture it is generally believed that god doesn't accept gays. So where do you go from here? How do you give a child a solid core to stand up to the ignorance and hate that has gone on forever. It is the last minority that it is still acceptable to bash because the Bible says so. Where's the love?
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