Those are the words of Margarite, a young woman who sent a boy a naked picture of herself using her cell phone. We call it sexting, and it is a felony, transporting child pornography. In many states law-makers are trying to make sexting a lesser offense, a misdemeanor. But for now it implies jail time, what is called, juvie.
She thought she would impress him. The story is in the New York Times, the consequences dire. Margarite's picture followed her to a new school and she had to switch back. She is called a whore, a slut. She isn't, but that's what people call girls who send naked pictures to boys.
Boys, of course, who have pictures of boys won't dare show them to others. But girls? These go viral instantly.
Bully fodder. Any child who is a bully, who has aggressive inclinations, seizes upon an opportunity like this one. Margarite had social problems before, and now she will always wonder if she can trust anyone.
We've talked about it before on this blog. Everything on the Internet is permanent, and replicable. Watch who you friend.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
S C Johnson and the new social revolution
It does seem that women, even young teenage girls, are not going to take it anymore.
S C Johnson's family brings us Pledge, Johnson’s Wax, Off, Raid, Ziplock, Windex, baby oil, and dozens of other household products. The namesake is accused of sexually abusing his step-daughter these past three years.
The irony, of course, is that the company brands itself a family company.
At 15 the young teen victim tells NBC that her step-father sexually abused her. She’s speaking out now to protect her younger sister. The maximum penalty for Mr. Johnson is 40 years in prison.
His brother, protecting the company, tells us that every family has its own crises, and that S C does not represent the company. Yet we see him on video on the morning news, proudly pointing to his products in the grocery store aisles.
We wonder if corporate might beef up the sexual harassment component of S C Johnson wellness workshops, invite the upper echelons.
How prevalent is incest? All we really can measure are reported crimes, and 49% of all sexual crimes in the under 5-year old age group are family related. The numbers go down to 24%, nearly one in four, as children get older, move into adolescence, the 12-17 year-old range. But acquaintance rapes, sexual assaults by friends, mentors, neighbors, etc., rises proportionally to 66%.
The good news is that with treatment, recidivism is low for incest. Only 6-13% of incest perpetrators who are caught and go through treatment become repeat offenders, as opposed to extrafamilial offenders of boys— 23-35% are repeaters.
Mr. Johnson’s step-daughter's action signifies empowerment, what we hope will be the new wave for children who suffer sexual abuse. Opening up, speaking out, especially against a powerful perpetrator is embarrassing, difficult. The crime of sex against teenagers is normalized in our society, unfortunately, the sexualization of children, no longer something news-worthy, it seems. We see it every day on television.
Mr. Johnson is being accused of having a sex addiction. In my neck of the woods we call it ephebophilia, having a sexual obsession with adolescents.
A sex addiction is a nice way to say that S C can't stop his behavior. He might buy time with that. We don't know, really, if he is guilty, or if he has a sex addiction, or ephebophilia. This is America, and we are all innocent until proven otherwise.
The hope here is that if it is true, that S C Johnson owns his behavior, doesn't lie about it, uses his money to make amends, to help other children who are losing their childhood to sexual assault. He’ll have the best of legal defenders, but it is likely that no one will feel sorry for him unless he does this. That would be newsworthy.
Kudos to children with the energy, the self-esteem, and surely the resources and support to strike back.
Now. If she could only get back her innocence.
S C Johnson's family brings us Pledge, Johnson’s Wax, Off, Raid, Ziplock, Windex, baby oil, and dozens of other household products. The namesake is accused of sexually abusing his step-daughter these past three years.
The irony, of course, is that the company brands itself a family company.
At 15 the young teen victim tells NBC that her step-father sexually abused her. She’s speaking out now to protect her younger sister. The maximum penalty for Mr. Johnson is 40 years in prison.
His brother, protecting the company, tells us that every family has its own crises, and that S C does not represent the company. Yet we see him on video on the morning news, proudly pointing to his products in the grocery store aisles.
We wonder if corporate might beef up the sexual harassment component of S C Johnson wellness workshops, invite the upper echelons.
How prevalent is incest? All we really can measure are reported crimes, and 49% of all sexual crimes in the under 5-year old age group are family related. The numbers go down to 24%, nearly one in four, as children get older, move into adolescence, the 12-17 year-old range. But acquaintance rapes, sexual assaults by friends, mentors, neighbors, etc., rises proportionally to 66%.
The good news is that with treatment, recidivism is low for incest. Only 6-13% of incest perpetrators who are caught and go through treatment become repeat offenders, as opposed to extrafamilial offenders of boys— 23-35% are repeaters.
Mr. Johnson’s step-daughter's action signifies empowerment, what we hope will be the new wave for children who suffer sexual abuse. Opening up, speaking out, especially against a powerful perpetrator is embarrassing, difficult. The crime of sex against teenagers is normalized in our society, unfortunately, the sexualization of children, no longer something news-worthy, it seems. We see it every day on television.
Mr. Johnson is being accused of having a sex addiction. In my neck of the woods we call it ephebophilia, having a sexual obsession with adolescents.
A sex addiction is a nice way to say that S C can't stop his behavior. He might buy time with that. We don't know, really, if he is guilty, or if he has a sex addiction, or ephebophilia. This is America, and we are all innocent until proven otherwise.
The hope here is that if it is true, that S C Johnson owns his behavior, doesn't lie about it, uses his money to make amends, to help other children who are losing their childhood to sexual assault. He’ll have the best of legal defenders, but it is likely that no one will feel sorry for him unless he does this. That would be newsworthy.
Kudos to children with the energy, the self-esteem, and surely the resources and support to strike back.
Now. If she could only get back her innocence.
Linda Freedman, PhD, LCSW, LMFT
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Jim Tressel and the Big Lie
It is known that scouts hunt for college athletes, and when they find them, treat them with kid gloves, groom them for winning, not for studying. Finding the best athletes in their early teens is a treasure hunt.
When they find a winner, he is wined (proverbially, for he is under-aged) and dined to join the team. The glitter, the perks of money and girls, parties and fame, is waved in front of hungry teenage eyes. Sometimes an athlete is lifted off the sandlot, or leaves a hard life, even a criminal record, behind. He wears a team jersey, a sweater, with pride. A new man, as it should be.
Once on campus, as winners, great players prove themselves worth the courtship, and the winning coach, a hero-maker, is a god. One who turns out gods.
Player behavioral issues are swept under the rug, and few ethics violations ever make it to press. Occasionally something big will happen. A lacrosse star like George Huguely will get too drunk, and his usual disorderly conduct might escalate to the degree that in the heat of physically shaking someone (Yeardly Love, his girlfriend) he may bang her head against the wall, kill her in an early morning row. Behavior like that will make the headlines.
Shameful for those authorities who knew he had problems with alcohol, knew he could be violent, who didn't do enough to stop this. Parents send healthy young men and women off to school, trust them to the hands of authorities, rule-makers, enforcers. And across the nation alcohol education initiatives warn students about reckless behavior, alcohol related accidents.
Whether they attend or not, students who ignore rules, who are known to engage in risky behavior, need attention. Every student represents a school. Someone should have stood up to George Huguely, should have said, "You're an abusive drunk and you have a disorderly conduct record, so you don't play until you have had a successful rehab." Successful. That's a carrot at the end of the stick that works, something that might have saved Yeardley Love. And it would be the coach, the manager of the team, to initiate such an intervention.
Coach Jim Tressel of the Ohio State Buckeyes didn't have to send anyone to rehab, and his players didn't murder anyone. But he could have made a much bigger deal about the latest scandal, players selling team memorabilia to a tattoo parlor in Columbus, Ohio. Mr. Tressel may have lied about it to NCAA investigators in December, knowing that some of his players sold rings and trinkets, but covering it up as isolated incidents.
He should have held his men to a higher behavioral standard, for they are not boys anymore, made them look in the mirror.
This is who you are? A memorabilia trafficker? Really?
It is an NCAA ethics violation, and large or small, lying about it, covering it up makes us think that athletic heroes don't really have to behave like everyone else. They have privilege, protection. Forget character development. What matters is winning.
It hardly sounds like something worth lying about, jeopardizing the coach's career, protecting his athletes from a slap on the wrist. We're not talking rehab. Maybe they would have had to attend an ethics seminar. Everyone might learn something.
On the sandlot, kids sell a lot worse.
And for this, for an oversight, an I forgot, a memory glitch in an investigation, the seven-time Big Ten championship coach may lose his job. Hopefully not.
A coach is supposed to be the role model, the one who turns his treasures into leaders, the motivation king. The coach is the man. And when players are errant, he knows it. People talk, he hears, his head isn't buried in the sand, and he should do something about it, yes, make it a big issue, a stink, if necessary, with his players. Not cover for them.
You found them, Coach Tressel. Everyone looks up to you, and to your team. They are much more than mere winners and losers. Anyone can win, anyone can lose. What are they doing when they're not doing that?
When they find a winner, he is wined (proverbially, for he is under-aged) and dined to join the team. The glitter, the perks of money and girls, parties and fame, is waved in front of hungry teenage eyes. Sometimes an athlete is lifted off the sandlot, or leaves a hard life, even a criminal record, behind. He wears a team jersey, a sweater, with pride. A new man, as it should be.
Once on campus, as winners, great players prove themselves worth the courtship, and the winning coach, a hero-maker, is a god. One who turns out gods.
Player behavioral issues are swept under the rug, and few ethics violations ever make it to press. Occasionally something big will happen. A lacrosse star like George Huguely will get too drunk, and his usual disorderly conduct might escalate to the degree that in the heat of physically shaking someone (Yeardly Love, his girlfriend) he may bang her head against the wall, kill her in an early morning row. Behavior like that will make the headlines.
Shameful for those authorities who knew he had problems with alcohol, knew he could be violent, who didn't do enough to stop this. Parents send healthy young men and women off to school, trust them to the hands of authorities, rule-makers, enforcers. And across the nation alcohol education initiatives warn students about reckless behavior, alcohol related accidents.
Whether they attend or not, students who ignore rules, who are known to engage in risky behavior, need attention. Every student represents a school. Someone should have stood up to George Huguely, should have said, "You're an abusive drunk and you have a disorderly conduct record, so you don't play until you have had a successful rehab." Successful. That's a carrot at the end of the stick that works, something that might have saved Yeardley Love. And it would be the coach, the manager of the team, to initiate such an intervention.
Coach Jim Tressel of the Ohio State Buckeyes didn't have to send anyone to rehab, and his players didn't murder anyone. But he could have made a much bigger deal about the latest scandal, players selling team memorabilia to a tattoo parlor in Columbus, Ohio. Mr. Tressel may have lied about it to NCAA investigators in December, knowing that some of his players sold rings and trinkets, but covering it up as isolated incidents.
He should have held his men to a higher behavioral standard, for they are not boys anymore, made them look in the mirror.
This is who you are? A memorabilia trafficker? Really?
It is an NCAA ethics violation, and large or small, lying about it, covering it up makes us think that athletic heroes don't really have to behave like everyone else. They have privilege, protection. Forget character development. What matters is winning.
It hardly sounds like something worth lying about, jeopardizing the coach's career, protecting his athletes from a slap on the wrist. We're not talking rehab. Maybe they would have had to attend an ethics seminar. Everyone might learn something.
On the sandlot, kids sell a lot worse.
And for this, for an oversight, an I forgot, a memory glitch in an investigation, the seven-time Big Ten championship coach may lose his job. Hopefully not.
A coach is supposed to be the role model, the one who turns his treasures into leaders, the motivation king. The coach is the man. And when players are errant, he knows it. People talk, he hears, his head isn't buried in the sand, and he should do something about it, yes, make it a big issue, a stink, if necessary, with his players. Not cover for them.
You found them, Coach Tressel. Everyone looks up to you, and to your team. They are much more than mere winners and losers. Anyone can win, anyone can lose. What are they doing when they're not doing that?
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