Anthony Weiner and Sex Addiction

So it turns out that indeed, the Congressman Anthony Weiner did send pornographic photos of himself to women online.

Does this make him addicted to sex?

We generally think of a sex addiction as related to illegal activity, or associated with dysfunction in a marriage or family, or perhaps to one's work, i.e., partners, children, customers, colleagues.  Others find the behavior objectionable, or it hurts someone.

How can pictures hurt?  By association, feeling sullied by them, or by exposure.  Not everyone who is sold in this way, as a photo or a video, ever asked for the modeling job.

Surely the constituents are chiming in, asking him to resign.  People want their representatives to focus upon their problems, not themselves and their sexual needs.  That's why we hire them-- to work hard, to get legislation, our agenda passed, whatever it is.  Maybe anti-porn laws, for example.

As a therapist I can name many ways that pornography upsets people, especially children.  The reputations of individuals who are exposed on line can never be the same.  The impact upon a child who sees pornography is tantamount to a snapshot memory, a picture in the mind that won't go away, might never go away, ever.  It is lifelong.  An unwanted picture, one that the child never asked to see.

We used to surround our children with beautiful things, and we encouraged them to be creative, to work hard in school, not deliberately look for the lurid.  Children who did that were shamed, punished.  Now it is so common, ubiquitous, that a search for porn is thought to be what kids do. 

But once, when a child found a stash of "dirty" magazines, it concerned parents.  A child shouldn't have to see these photos, shouldn't have to look at people in this way.  It is a short step from seeing a picture online or in a magazine to seeing everyone in this way, with eyes that wonder, 

"What does (s)he look like without those clothes?"

So it corrupts, Congressman Weiner.  What you did corrupts, ruins a perfectly clean disk for some kid who really never asked for it.  Just reading the story corrupts our children.  Sorry, that's how a therapist sees it.

Sure, get help.  And step down. 

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Patti LaBelle Versus Richard King

The story has to be true because no one could make it up.

Richard King, a senior at West Point, soon to be a second lieutenant in the United States Army and cornerback for the West Point Cadets, is standing "too close" to R & B star Patti Labelle's luggage at baggage claims.  Not too close to Patti.  He's standing too close to her expensive luggage.

He's oblivious, talking on a cell phone, when Ms. LaBelle's body guards beat him, drawing blood, pushing into a concrete pillar.  King is carried onto a stretcher, whisked off to the hospital.  He has a nasty concussion.

Two things are wrong with this:

(a) Football players are supposed to get beat up on the football field, not at baggage claims.

(b) Nobody should have to fear body guard police at the airport. We have enough on our plate with the terrorists.

Ms. LaBelle's staff believe alcohol was involved, that Mr. King was inebriated. That's the only predictable part of the story.  He denies it is true.

It's all on the surveillance tape.

Generally the subjects on this blog are perpetrators of some sort of violence or they think they're above the law, or don't respect someone. If we're writing about it here, it's the indignity that matters.

We would have expected more from an R & B star, wait patiently for more details to come. Meanwhile, Mr. King won't be a second lieutenant any time soon, and he certainly won't be playing football. 
And that, frankly, shouldn't have happened.

Ethics and Management in Sports

We wrote about the problems of Jim Tressel, Coach of the Ohio State Buckeyes. Luke Fikell is serving as interim coach, but that won't last for long. There's a short list of replacements for Mr. Tressel, and the job is perhaps one of the most coveted in college sports.

Mr. Tressell resigned a contract worth 3.5 million a year through 2014, and Ohio State will not be paying him for the duration.

ESPN:

. . . fined him $250,000 for knowing his players had received improper benefits from the owner of a local tattoo parlor. The school said at the time it was "very surprised and disappointed" in Tressel. Yet, the school still managed to crack jokes.

Asked if he considered firing Tressel, Ohio State president E. Gordon Gee said then: "No, are you kidding? Let me just be very clear: I'm just hopeful the coach doesn't dismiss me."

That's what it means to have power. Even the president of the school can see that.

Which is why ethics in sports has to reach beyond the playing field. It's not how the game is played, it is how the money is managed, how the behavior of the team and the management of the team reflects upon an institution.

Spoke Too Soon

Now they're saying, that actually, maybe Anthony Weiner did take that picture. The big joke is that everyone recognizes his/her underwear, and apparently Mr. Weiner recognized his. And he can't say with certitude that the man in the photo isn't him.

Either an elaborate prank, as he initially insisted, or a real attempt to smear the man and put a stop to his career.

But two congressmen from New York caught in the same act? We talked about Chris Lee, never dreamed that there would be a second act.

Anthony Weiner

Then there are the good stories, the guys who didn't really send "lewd" photos via Twitter, i.e., New York Representative Anthony Weiner.

See, you can't just accuse people without checking out the story.

Military Kids Helping One Another-- Surviving Father Loss

Probably all schools should have a number of social workers, but in these hard economic times we're lucky if each school district hires just one. 

Divorce, loss, death.  These happen every day and children suffer, can't express, don't know how to answer questions. 

We're hearing that there's a summer camp that helps children of fallen veterans cope with their feelings.  "Good grief!" used to be what Charlie Brown said when facing frustration, but now it's caught on in other venues.

The kids interviewed describe the annual "good grief" camp organized by the nonprofit Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors every Memorial Day weekend as one outlet that's allowed them to learn to work through their feelings, and many attend every year. The activities range from going to a baseball game and seeing the horses used at Arlington National Cemetery to writing a letter to their deceased parent that's released in a balloon.

Apparently  each kid has a mentor for the weekend  and adult survivors meet for sessions, too.

Sounds fantastic, and we hope we don't sound too jaded when we say we hope someone is keeping an eye on the kids, making sure there's no exploitation.

For sure, too jaded.