PornSunday the anti-porn video and the NFL

Craig Gross, the pastor of XXXchurch, a sex addictions program, is preaching to the world.  He's on his own stage on Superbowl Sunday.

And as a preacher, there's lots of talk about confession, biblical references.  Very much a

Jews and Muslims and anyone else who isn't Christian need not apply

video. I don't know what I expected.

But it's been recommended, highly (by me, actually) because quarterback Josh McCown, Eric Boles of the New York Jets, Matt Hasselbeck of the Seatle Seahawks, Miles McPherson of the San Diego Chargers, Jon Kitna, quarterback of the Dallas Cowboys,  all star in it.

And we love it when an athlete comes forward, speaks to people about relationship safety. Laced within Craig Gross' words is the message, You play. You pay.

So let's say you don't want to sit through a 35 minute video about coming clean with a sex addiction, but you want a review.

Three Steps to Sobriety:

(1) Confess to the Higher Power that you have zero self-control when it comes to looking at pornography. There may be a few reasons to do that, watch pornography, but in the process, whoever has posed for the films, the pictures, is exploited.  She/he is stolen.  And the person who objectifies is taken away from flesh and blood relationships. These are threatened, they are less exciting.  Nothing compares.

It is an addiction, an obsession.

So it's recommended, as it is in 12-Step programs, that a person somehow connect with spirituality.

A lot of people stop right here, which is why it's recommended (by therapists) to consider the next two steps. Perhaps these are more important.  Although if you can connect to the spiritual piece, no question, the support system, a community, will follow.

(2) Confess to someone. A real person. A spouse, rabbi, pastor, friend.  Maybe think of getting accountability software that shoots an email to him or her listing internet sites visited each day.  The software is for phones and other gadgets, too. The idea is that people who are addicted to pornography have a healthy sense of shame. Kudos to this idea.

(3) Clean up. Get involved in a sex addicts group, or a program at a house of worship, someplace in the community.  Easier said than done.  But it beats losing a marriage, a partner, someone who loves you but is tired of being second best.

We like the approach, love the attention to the problem, only wish it weren't so incredibly exclusive. But all that means, really, is that leaders of other religions, other groups, have to step up to the plate, develop their own support services. Forgive the pun.

We just have to get out of the dark ages with this one.

National PornSunday

Oh, you thought it was Super Bowl Sunday. And you're right. But this might be more interesting. Certainly as interesting.

Sex addictions are varied, but no question, pornography addiction takes over people's lives. It's not that hard to find a support group, depending upon where you live, but it is hard, sometimes, to connect with people and to commit. And the initial fear of humiliation keeps so many people away.

Sex Addicts Anonymous, that would be one group. Sex and Love Addictions would be another.

Because of the incredible disruption of an addiction, because needing to get on line, for example, to go there, to see a video, a picture, whatever it takes to satisfy the obsession, many people are starting to say No. People are trying to give it up, but it's hard.

Luckily we have leaders, heroes, really. NFL stars.

Take a look at this video sponsored by XXXchurch. If NFL stars can make the break, then finally, finally, it's cool to disavow pornography, to see it for what it is, degrading, humiliating, distracting, and like any addiction, an obsession that threatens a person's success in life and surely, intimate relationships.

National PornSunday Teaser from XXXchurch on Vimeo.

That's the teaser. You'll be able to see the whole video on Sunday at PornSunday.
Linda Freedman, PhD, LCSW, LMFT