The Reputation Doctors and Aftershave

Mike Paul has my vote. Dennis Ross and Jonathan Bernstein are surely close in the race.

At Freep.com and in the Pittsburgh Review Tribune we read that the Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger,

issued a three-paragraph, 119-word statement. . . briefer than his 74-second, mulleted mea culpa before the cameras a few weeks ago. . . after a Georgia prosecutor declined to charge him in connection with a college student's rape accusation.

Dennis Ross III, president of Ross Crisis Management in Atlanta, said Roethlisberger's statement "did not do any harm, which in his case and what he's been dealing with, is actually a plus." Indeed, the apology is his apology, not a canned speech, according to Mr. Ross.

As you probably know, Mr. Roethlisberger has been suspended by the National Football League for a few games. No small deal, a few games, when you're the star quarterback. The suspension is for violating the team's personal conduct policy.

The courts have a notoriously difficult time convicting athletes of rape, even attempted rape. The juries are not in favor or vilifying heroes. And professional athletes have the financial muscle to hire the very best in defense. So most victims give up.

The news is that Mr. Roethlisberger is not going to appeal the penalty and is going to

"comply with what is asked of me — and more."

Bob Cohn reports that he says he won't put himself in this situation again.

Sounds good to me. And it's hopeful the Steelers will insist he get some therapy for himself, not just for his reputation. You would think.

Crisis managers Jonathan Bernstein, and Mike Paul (the Reputation Doctor) don't think that a few pat lines to the public about remorse are good enough. Anyone can recite an canned apology to the fans. And they're right, of course. Talk is cheap.

We have all kinds of platitudes like that, talk is cheap, in the English lexicon. He talks the talk, doesn't walk the walk. Some of this language comes from addictions, the 12-step programs. Recovery programs and therapy are all about this, walking walks. Behaving differently.

So how would one go about really changing? It's much more than changing one's reputation, although that's a start, anything that motivate will do. But real change is so hard.

I'd say it's the beginning of the walk, working on your reputation. We could call it getting up, getting out of bed to walk the walk. The speech in front of the cameras is the aftershave.

Mr. Paul is correct in thinking that changing reputation is about changing self. In therapy we go about this in so many different ways, we can't boil the process down. If there were any one variable that mattered, it would be commitment, probably. The recovery programs are very big on this, commitment, and community, good places to stretch the muscles.

And the recovery programs tend to emphasize the following six elements.

We could call most of them warm-up, if not the walk.

(1) Seriously examining behavior, the harm one has caused, over a life-time

(2) Empathizing with the victims and getting up the courage to apologize with sincerity. This takes about six months, by the way.

(3) Rethinking identity, considering becoming a person who is actually, completely different.

(4) Targeting change behaviors, trying them out, asking others to help.

(5) Making a sincere commitment to working on the changes, establish the framework, the external manifestations of change

(6) Changing inside, leaving the old, less functional behaviors behind because they just don't work anymore.

The change part is what usually gets to people. Most of us find that pretty hard to do, really own that we're a mess, and fix it. It's gotta' take time to change inside and out.

So you can change the reputation, but changing the guy is harder.

Still, I like very much Mike Paul's (the Reputation Doctor) ideas for restoration of public trust. He describes reputation bricks: truth, honesty, humility, transparency, accountability and consistency. Sounds easy, walking that walk, but it's gotta' be the hardest thing you'll ever do.

Relationship-wise, Inc, a training psycho-education initiative, probably should team up with the P.R. people who do the damage control when athletes and movie start, teachers and corporate managers, spin out of control. We all team up, work on damage control and prevention.

Mr. Paul's motto, "Because Your Reputation is Everything" is more than half right.
It's the old adage, Biblical, for sure:A good name is the most important thing you've got.

I would add: Try not to lose it in the first place.

Linda Freedman, PhD