Allem Halkic: Bullying and Suicide

Thanks to the Wyndham Leader for the photo:
http://wyndham-leader.whereilive.com.au/news/story/teen-death-leaves-void/

There's nothing sadder than this, kids killing themselves. We've talked about Phoebe Prince, who suffered from depression years before she hung herself when she couldn't take the bullying at South Hadley High School. For months peers had called her names-- whore, slut. Those kinds of names.

Now the young man who stalked Allem Halkic (17 at his death by suicide on Feb 5, 2009), Shane Phillip Gerada, 21 has been convicted for bullying via text. According to the Hobson Bay Leader:

The court heard Allem took his life on the West Gate Bridge after receiving the texts, which included threats from Gerada including “I’ll put you in hospital” and “Don’t be surprised if you get hit soon”.

Magistrate Peter Reardon told the court Gerada’s criminal activity did not cause Allem’s death, but it demonstrated the impact threats could have on their victim.

It's probably safe to say that some kids have problems that attract the attention of aggressive kids, kids who act out their problems violently, displace aggression, we say. Victims are targeted as vulnerable. But a kid doesn't need to be depressed first, doesn't need to be vulnerable, to be bullied. Sometimes you're just in the wrong place at the wrong time, strike the wrong chord in the wrong people. And those people can make your life miserable.

What we see, as the research piles up, is that bullying has a devastating effect upon self-esteem, and victims can be very lonely, very despondent. Friends, peers, at any age, are important, but all the more-so in adolescence. Thus the scape-goats are truly at risk.

The Halkics, Allems parents, want to sue the State Government (this crime was in Australia) and VicRoads over claims that they failed to prevent deaths at the West Gate Bridge. You see, Allem's suicide followed a story about a father throwing his 4-year old daughter from the bridge. Allem supposedly asked his father after news broke about the child's murder at the hands of her father,

'Dad was it that easy?'

Then a week later, he took his own life, jumping from the bridge after being bullied on a social networking website.

You could say that kids need more education about bullying and mental health. No?

Linda Freedman

Phoebe Prince--Textbook Bullying

Pic from the Boston Herald
















If you need a poster child for stiff upper lip, Phoebe Prince will do. The 15-year old, new to South Hadley High School, tired of it, however, and hung herself to spare the pain on January 14, 2010. An immigrant, vulnerable, insecure, emotionally challenged (and yet her coping skills, amazing at times), she gave them what they wanted, a dramatic end to the pain.

It was too much. And the most horrifying part of all, she was bullied mercilessly, even after death.

The warning signs were there, English essays about cutting, finding songs to fit each dark mood. And everyone knew she had been harassed by several students, different groups. If you needed a scapegoat for your negativity, Phoebe would suffice at South Hadley.

Why do kids do this, torment one another to death?

There are different profiles. One parallels narcissism, needing attention and getting it for being the best at something, even if the best is the best at sociopathy. Murderers profile, sometimes, with narcissism.

Narcissism doesn't have to be a function of child abuse, but it certainly can be. The kid who is called names as a child learns aggression, learns anger, and imitates, sometimes. Beat down, powerless, he flies to the opposite-- we call this reaction formation-- begins to see himself as special, fabulous, actually, and unappreciated.

So the obvious task is to get recognition, somehow.

There are, of course, the group-thinkers, those who act aggressively because they'll fit in with aggressors if they act aggressively. And we all need a home somewhere. Any group will do. Humans are social creatures.

The typical bully is somewhere in-between, has been emotionally abused, has survived it, and is displacing his negativity (her negativity) on someone less powerful. Sporadically. Not all of the time. Unpredictably. There are people who punch walls, people who kick the dog. People who scare other people.

Not trying to simplify anything here. But is it sick? You bet it is. And it's the stuff of workshops, the stuff that should be taught in schools. We're doing it at Relationship-wise, Inc, making kids smarter. They need attention, they will GET attention. We have to direct that attention in better ways.

Linda Freedman