Another shooting at school

First day!  Not what we expect to hear, that a teenager brings a gun to school and a bottle of vodka and opens fire in the school cafeteria.

But it is happening, and it did happen in Perry Hall, Maryland.

Robert Wayne Gladden Jr. was being held without bail on charges of attempted first-degree murder and first-degree assault, Baltimore County police said. A preliminary hearing was scheduled for Sept. 7. The state's attorney's office did not know if he had a lawyer.Gladden's last status update on his Facebook page, posted the morning of the shooting, read: "First day of school, last day of my life. ... f--- the world."

What can we do about it?  The young man had warned his friends on Facebook, and yet, nobody called his parents.  Not one "friend" stopped him from his rampage.  His father tells us that he was bullied.

Anti-bullying workshops are popping up everywhere, but clearly are not universal.  Nor are psycho-educational efforts like those that Relationship-Wise, Inc. puts out, School Wise division.  We're hoping to see more of these, and less violence.

Linda Freedman

New Jersey Principal Calls for Middle School Social Networking Ban

Someone's awake!

And he's the principal of Benjamin Franklin Middle School in Ridgewood, New Jersey.
Tony Orsini has requested parents to keep computers out of their kids' bedrooms. That's where predators can forge relationships with unsuspecting, naive little kids.

He's discouraging social networking, too.

Why? Predators troll social network sites for kids who don't worry about tight privacy settings. Kids are also vulnerable to cyber-bullying from not only peers, but total strangers who blackmail them for porn. Mr. Orsini tells only the half of it:

If one or two kids, and they don't have to even be from our town, say something bad about what you look like, or make fun of the way that you dress, or your sexuality, that stuff can't come back, and for an 11-year old, or a 12-year old, that's devastating. And they're just too young..

Mr. Orsisi wants Facebook and other social networking sites like Formspring, banned from his school. He thinks the risk is far too great.

The kids have mixed feelings. Many think the focus should be on education, not draconian measures like these.

But that only means they haven't had a decent workshop on the subject.

Linda Freedman, LCSW, LMFT, PhD

Phoebe Prince--Textbook Bullying

Pic from the Boston Herald
















If you need a poster child for stiff upper lip, Phoebe Prince will do. The 15-year old, new to South Hadley High School, tired of it, however, and hung herself to spare the pain on January 14, 2010. An immigrant, vulnerable, insecure, emotionally challenged (and yet her coping skills, amazing at times), she gave them what they wanted, a dramatic end to the pain.

It was too much. And the most horrifying part of all, she was bullied mercilessly, even after death.

The warning signs were there, English essays about cutting, finding songs to fit each dark mood. And everyone knew she had been harassed by several students, different groups. If you needed a scapegoat for your negativity, Phoebe would suffice at South Hadley.

Why do kids do this, torment one another to death?

There are different profiles. One parallels narcissism, needing attention and getting it for being the best at something, even if the best is the best at sociopathy. Murderers profile, sometimes, with narcissism.

Narcissism doesn't have to be a function of child abuse, but it certainly can be. The kid who is called names as a child learns aggression, learns anger, and imitates, sometimes. Beat down, powerless, he flies to the opposite-- we call this reaction formation-- begins to see himself as special, fabulous, actually, and unappreciated.

So the obvious task is to get recognition, somehow.

There are, of course, the group-thinkers, those who act aggressively because they'll fit in with aggressors if they act aggressively. And we all need a home somewhere. Any group will do. Humans are social creatures.

The typical bully is somewhere in-between, has been emotionally abused, has survived it, and is displacing his negativity (her negativity) on someone less powerful. Sporadically. Not all of the time. Unpredictably. There are people who punch walls, people who kick the dog. People who scare other people.

Not trying to simplify anything here. But is it sick? You bet it is. And it's the stuff of workshops, the stuff that should be taught in schools. We're doing it at Relationship-wise, Inc, making kids smarter. They need attention, they will GET attention. We have to direct that attention in better ways.

Linda Freedman